The lies I tell myself

          Over the years I have told myself I can’t afford to lose weight, if I lose it then my clothing won’t fit and I will have to buy new clothes. If I have to buy new clothes where will the money come from? I still can’t buy a whole ward robe, at least not all at once, but I don’t have to; I can use a belt until I have the money to replace my pants. I also have several pairs of pants in my closest from when I lost weight before. I thought I had given them away but recently I discovered I still have them. Now I don't have to believe that lie because God has shown me the solution. It will be fun to go shopping for new clothes when I have the money to do it.

          I am so sad when I see a picture of myself looking fat, old and frumpy. I’m tired of feeling fat, old and frumpy also. If you haven’t noticed yet there aren’t any pictures of me on this blog for you to see and won’t be until I have lost at least 50 pounds. I don’t do a lot of things because I get depressed when I don’t look the way I think I should, which is partly colored by the world’s view of beauty. I don’t agree with what the world says beauty is but I can’t seem to get it out of my head. I want to be accepted and viewed as pretty, but before someone else can do that I have to accept myself and believe that I'm pretty. When I voice my honest opinion about myself people say they don’t agree with me but they don’t share what they see either. Just another lie that Satan tells me that I’m trying to learn not to believe.

          It felt so good yesterday when I weighed myself and the scale showed I lost just over 8 pounds in 30 + days. My goal every month is 5 pounds so I’m ahead of my goal. I was excited, happy and almost jumping for joy. It felt like I just hit the winning shot just as the buzzer sounded to end the game. I will be this happy again when my weight goes down next month and when it shows to the point that people start asking 'have you lost weight.' I’m ready to say ‘Yes I have, thank you for asking.’ I won't let Satan take this victory from me. He is trying to whisper lies in my ear but I'm not hearing him.

          I’m sure Satan will try to find another lie for me to believe, he’s good at that. And I will have the choice of believing it or kicking him to the side so I can move forward. I won’t let him control my weight any longer; he is too much to carry around.

          Soon I will let you know my new goals for the next 30 day dare. I’m still praying about what God wants me to do to become a stronger, healthier and more fit me. It is so much easier to 1.) do it with God; and 2.) write it down so that I have the reminder, accountability.